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5 Things I’ve Learned While Online Dating

It’s 2019. Let’s be real- the idea of meeting someone online and dating them isn’t that rare. It’s fairly common actually. The iconic phrase “slide in your dms” was coined for that exact reason. There are two ways that a typical person would find themselves dating someone online- 1) they “met” them on a social platform like Twitter, Instagram or Facebook or 2) they intentionally seeked out someone on a dating app like Tinder, Grndr, Bumble, Hinge, etc. I’ll admit I’ve dabbled and I am not ashamed ! It started in college so I was already about 21/22 years old with a solid head on my shoulders but still going through the fuckboy situationships stage like most people my age.
However, ironically I found myself on Tinder one day when I was in a fit and annoyed/frustrated with some fuckboy and wanted a fresh start. I would say that is when I really realized how attractive I was. I know you’re thinking “everyone on a dating app will think anyone is pretty” but no. I didn’t even know white guys were that into me. I even dated a Muslim guy for a short time. Of course, most guys aren’t afraid to tell you you’re beautiful and that they want to hook up in the same sentence.
However, personally I think it is one of the benefits of a dating app- it’s much more efficient in flushing out the fuckboys. I was too inconsistent to have anything long term but I’ve dated a few guys from it. I’ve had some good times, bad nights and learned a lot about myself and people through my experiences. Here are 5 things everyone needs to know about dating online:
1. Have no expectations.
It’s either hit or miss with the choices. You will see things there that you’ve never seen before. People are MUCH more blunt than they would be in real life. There are very weird and odd people on this planet and they use platforms like this a lot. Catfishes are real. Scams are real. Be aware and not naive just because you want to be in love.
2. You probably won’t find your soulmate on there.
Though dating apps are a norm now, there are some disadvantages- it’s not personal. You never really know who someone is so you can get caught up and most people just want to have sex with you anyways. Don’t get me wrong, some people do find their person online but for it to last is the tricky part.
3. Look at it as a growing experience rather than the end of the road.
This works hand in hand with #1. You will definitely gain more experience in dating, the more you date. The more experience you have, the more you find out who you are, what you want and which kind of person you want that with. You can also pick up on red flags easier and save time and effort if it’s the wrong person if you pay attention.
It’s also a chance to be the person you want to be. But not a catfish ! Just more confident because that person doesn’t know anything about you so it’s less pressure to be yourself. So be 100% yourself. This is the true definition of a fresh start. Don’t act like you have a personality you don’t. Just say exactly what you want to say and own it. In the long run, you’ll get more comfortable being who you really are and learn how to successfully express yourself without holding back. This helps especially during sex where communication is key and you have to say what you want out of it.
4. Sex is easy.
Most people won’t turn down sex. It’s unnatural but ALWAYS wrap it up. If he’s wearing a condom but wants you to give him oral, that is not safe sex ! Having sex is easy. Having that unique personal connection is rare.
5. Don’t look down on the underdog or fall in love too fast with the quarterback before you really get to know them. Allow time to do its job.
We all know the cliche “Some people are meant in your life for a season…” blahh blah blah but it’s true. You outgrow people and in the dating world, the turnover rate is very high. It’s hard enough that not everyone is going to have the same interests as you and want to be friends. But then you have to add the intimate compatibility to the equation.
The chances are high but the long term odds are rarely in your favor. Especially with the advancement of the internet. Everyone wants everything fast. No one wants to put in the time to really get to know someone and build. And even if there is the person who is willing, we push them to the side because they aren’t as attractive or have it all together as someone else who has our attention. Most either give up too fast or fall in love too fast. You can click with someone completely the first few days, even weeks and then start to pick up on the little things they do or say that you don’t like. Or things just dissolve naturally for no reason at all. Or you find out he has a girlfriend because she called you (sorry, that one is personal) but that’s okay. That’s what makes dating, dating. You’re not set on one person, you’re playing the field to practice your throw. One day you’ll hit a homerun.
I hope I wasn’t too much of a Debbie Downer but I just wanted to share my experience and hopefully prepare you on your quest. Like I said earlier, you may find your person but please take it slow and be aware.

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About Me

About Me

Hi Empress! I show women the endless opportunities to be themselves by empowering them to embrace and grow from their shared experiences through vulnerability and community. I help you accept that you'll always be a work in progress and complete at the same time so you can take back power over your life and reach your full potential!

Shantel

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