Subscribe To Our Mailing List

Get the news right in your inbox!

Are Soulmates Real Or Just The Right Person At The Right Time?

Do you believe in soulmates?
If you asked me this question a six years ago, I would say yes without a second thought. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic kind of girl. I was the girl who thought that I would meet my high school sweetheart. When that didn’t happen, I was convinced that I would have my college sweetheart. I think it was all the romantic TV shows and movies that I watched as a kid to blame. Also, Disney! I always felt like I was waiting on my Prince Charming to come around and rock my world. I remember daydreaming about my perfect boyfriend, all the memories we would make together and how happy I would be.
do soulmates really exist
But when reality hit and I left college without any sweetheart, I started to doubt this whole soulmate thing. I looked at all the girls that I went to elementary school, middle school and high school with and how happy and in love they seemed with their significant other. Why wasn’t that happening to me? After all the hurt and disappointment I dealt with, I deserved to have my soulmate too! I was sick and tired of starting over with someone new and ending up wasting my time.
My despair turned into happiness when I started to see how empowering being single was. If you read my post about my experience exploring my sexuality, you would know that doing that helped me in my personal growth journey in more ways than one. You’ll know how it helped me discover parts of myself that I never even knew existed which then empowered me to be the woman I am today. Though it may have been sexually, it had a ripple effect and changed my perspective on other aspects of my life even more.

Also, I realized how many people are in this world and how I have only experienced a handful of people in my one city, in my one state, in my own country when the possibilities on this HUGE Earth are endless. I deserved better to limit myself and stop this quest before it even began.

Timing And Location Is Too Important To Ignore

I started to think about how crazy I was to want to settle down so young and how I accepted this idea that if I wasn’t in a relationship, I wasn’t happy. Little did I know that happiness comes from within and not even from a soulmate (if you are struggling with self-love, you might be the best fit for my self-love coaching program). I also realized how many people are in this world and how I have only experienced a handful of people in my one city, in my one state, in my own country when the possibilities on this HUGE Earth are endless.
I deserve better than to limit myself and stop this quest before it even began. I started asking myself “Do soulmates exist? If so, is there really only one? What is the definition of a soulmate anyways?” So many people use the term loosely but to me, I thought it meant that there was someone made specifically for me but I had to wait on destiny to do her part so we could live happily ever after. According to the Oxford Dictionary*, a soulmate is “a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner” but even if that happens and things feel perfect in that moment, time passes, people change and so will I. How do I know if that person will be for me in 2 years, 5 years, much less forever if we get married? I already know that half of marriages end in divorce so the odds are already stacked up against me.

Instead of backing it up with excuses on top of excuses on why he couldn’t, he would say yes and make it happen. It was rare, so it was always a shock when it happened but it felt damn good. That’s when my standards rose, canceling out even more potential partners.

Does personal growth make or break a relationship?

Then I thought of the notion of growing together. In my relationships and situationships alike, I learned a big lesson- people make time to do the things that are important to them. I remember being in countless predicaments when I was dating someone and they were willing to do the things that the last guy I was dating would never do. Instead of backing it up with excuses on top of excuses on why he couldn’t, he would say yes and make it happen. It was rare, so it was always a shock when it happened but it felt damn good. That’s when my standards rose, canceling out even more potential partners. I now know that no matter how hard something is, if someone really loves and cares about you, they would do whatever it takes to make sure that you know. But I thought that when you’re with your soulmate, things were effortless. So are they really your soulmate or just the right person at the right time?
I think we have all been in a situation where we like someone but they have some growing up to do by themselves. Like that infamous line “It isn’t you, it’s me.” Ugh. How I hate that line! At first, I thought it was an excuse but the older I get, the more I realize that no matter how much you want to be there for someone to support them while they get it together, that may not always be the best solution. Sometimes people really need time alone to figure things out on their own and if you hold onto them even tighter, you push them further away and hold back your own potential.
However, on the other hand, have you ever dated someone, broke things off because it wasn’t the right time? Then years go by, you guys run into each other, give it another try and it still doesn’t work out? I’ve done that way too many times to admit and man is it frustrating! You’re convinced that this time is the right time. You’ve grown. They’ve grown. It has to be! Nevertheless, new problems come up. In your time a part, new habits have been formed and their new perspectives might not align with yours so you feel like you’re starting all over again.

I haven’t found my one yet but I know that’s okay because I know I have some growing up to do myself and honestly, I don’t even know what my definition of “my one” is. Is it 1) my soulmate, 2) multiple people with each being “the one” in a specific phases in my life, 3) the same person who is willing to compromise in a long term relationship or 3) someone who I’ve met already but need to give more time to before it is right?

I know this is heavy but please still have hope!

By now, you’re probably feeling pessimistic. Like this is a “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” kind of situation and I don’t blame you. I kind of am discouraging myself while typing this but I’m also very intrigued. I haven’t found my one yet but I know that’s okay because I know I have some growing up to do myself. Honestly, I don’t even know what my definition of “my one” is. Is it 1) my soulmate, 2) multiple people with each being “the one” in specific phases in my life, 3) the same person who is willing to compromise in a long term relationship or 3) someone who I’ve met already but need to give more time to before it is right? Right now, I’m leaning on option three because the one big lesson I’ve learned is that the only thing that is inevitable in life is change. I will constantly be changing and to be honest, I want a partner who is constantly growing as well. Life is a learning experience and everyday is an opportunity to build myself into a new and improved me. I am not even at my peak yet. Not that I have to wait until I am to commit to a relationship but I do want someone who will motivate me to always be better and vice versa. However, if we are both changing, we both have to have an ongoing compromise in our relationship on our perspectives, values, standards. We will have to consistently practice great communication so we are on the same page. As well as being respectful when we disagree.
Seems like a lot of work right? I guess time will tell. If you have found your one, comment down below where and when did you? And how did you know? When I figure out if the right one is my soulmate or just the right person at the right time, I’ll definitely write a new post letting you know but in the meantime, I say let’s give each other and the people in our lives some time and some grace. Everyone is on their own journey so don’t rush them or yourself. Regardless, you deserve the best. Always reminder that and you’ll be good.
Love,
Shantel
*https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/soul_mate

No Comments

Leave a Reply

I accept the Privacy Policy

About Me

About Me

Hi Empress! I show women the endless opportunities to be themselves by empowering them to embrace and grow from their shared experiences through vulnerability and community. I help you accept that you'll always be a work in progress and complete at the same time so you can take back power over your life and reach your full potential!

Shantel

Follow She 3.0

Categories

Subscribe to our Mailing List

To be the first to know about the latest blog posts, products, services & events!

Archives

×