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The 10 Lessons You’ll Learn Exploring Your Sexuality (Number 4 is CRUCIAL!)

June 20, 2019 in Sex, The Tough Stuff - 8 min read
Past Shantel was a lot of things. My 20s have been a lot of things and I’m only halfway through! I’ve learned a lot of things and am still learning. One of the biggest things is my sexuality. In the very beginning when I popped my sex cherry (literally), I was so uncomfortable and insecure about my body that I felt ashamed to have sex. It felt too vulnerable. If you wanna know how I got over that, read my how to empower yourself post. After more experience, I found my power and began to enjoy sex. Then I started to use sex to hide my feelings. I didn’t know it at the time but I would throw myself into sex to distract myself. It would feel good to be in control for once and let loose. Be someone else. Be something else. Then there would be the times I think we can relate to- having sex with people you’ve regretted. Yes, I may have used other people to feel better but I couldn’t stop. It became something that I craved. I didn’t feel in control of my feelings but I felt in control of my body and making someone feel good was just a bonus.

They taught me that how I felt wasn’t a burden but a breakthrough. It wasn’t an existential crisis. It was a rebirth. That what I was going through was the growing pains of another part of me who was surfacing and I needed to meet. It was a homecoming but it wasn’t easy.

Later I found out that I didn’t always need someone. Sometimes they just got in the way. They would become attached after I made them feel amazing. They couldn’t shake the feeling and would start to catch feelings which was more baggage I didn’t need. Baggage was what I was running away from in the first place! I had enough and I always knew I had myself without having to add anything else. I would spend hours watching porn and masturbating. It was exhilarating and something new. I discovered a lot about myself by learning what I liked and didn’t like. I could feel good without feeling guilty about having to worry about helping someone else. Plus I couldn’t help them. I couldn’t be the person they needed or wanted. Of course I had a bomb personality, was good looking and sexually confident but deep down I buried feelings of emptiness. Not loneliness because I have always been an introvert and knew it was easy to find someone to have sex with. I just felt like something was missing but couldn’t put my finger on it (pun intended) so I buried the feeling so deep that I let sex consume me.
My exploration made me meet a unique combination of people that helped shaped me into who I am today. They made me feel accepted and I could relate to them more than I could relate to anyone else I’ve personally known before. They taught me that how I felt wasn’t a burden but a breakthrough. It wasn’t an existential crisis. It was a rebirth. That what I was going through was the growing pains of another part of me who was surfacing and I needed to meet. It was a homecoming but it wasn’t easy. I had to feel vulnerable all over again. I had to face some ugly truths. I had to accept parts of me that felt foreign and not like me at all. I had to let go out the standard fairytale that society force fed me my entire life about waiting on my prince charming to come and save me and change my life forever. I learned to embrace this new she and go at my own pace to learn her because she was the only prince charming that I truly needed.

I now look at the world through a new pair of eyes and maneuver it in a way I feel best for me instead of how society expects me to. This has become one of my strengths and has made me grow a whole other level of confidence I didn’t even know existed.

It’s been a year since and I feel more me than ever. I’ve learned to balance the two parts of me by creating a distinction and knowing when to be the other while putting the other away. Not hiding her but knowing that there was a time and place for each. I now look at the world through a new pair of eyes and maneuver it in a way I feel best for me instead of how society expects me to. This has become one of my strengths and has made me grow a whole other level of confidence I didn’t even know existed. No longer do I use others or go to desperate measures to feel adequate. I feel adequate within myself. I had to realize that I am a goddess in her most purest form and with that comes a lot of power and energy. However, I have to be selective about who I give and spend that energy on. In the beginning, I felt the power and abused it because I didn’t know what it was so it couldn’t reach its full potential. Now, I know that sometimes I don’t have to show or give that energy away period. I harness it within myself and use it when needed. Sometimes that’s every few days. Every few weeks. Sometimes every few months. I’m still learning a lot about myself but I know I’ve experienced more than the average 25 year old and thank my past self for venturing out into the unknown because through that, I’m on this amazing journey of finding myself and loving every part of who I am.

With vulnerability comes strength and an empowered you is a you you and the world needs. Don’t cheat yourself out on her! She’s already within you waiting for a chance. It’ll be an adventure alright but one worth taking. If more people opened themselves up to explore this side of themselves, I truly believe that the world would be a better place for everyone full of love and understanding. No matter who you are or what/who you like.

I’m telling you all of this because the reason She 3.0 was created was to help girls and women open themselves up to all the possibilities to be themselves. You’ll be amazed by how much of you you haven’t tapped into yet but first you have to put yourself in the position to be vulnerable. Yes, vulnerable because nothing great comes out of your comfort zone! With vulnerability comes strength and an empowered you is a you you and the world needs. Don’t cheat yourself out on her! She’s already within you waiting for a chance. It’ll be an adventure alright but one worth taking. If more people opened themselves up to explore this side of themselves, I truly believe that the world would be a better place for everyone full of love and understanding. No matter who you are or what/who you like. However, though I encourage you to, if you don’t want to, no pressure. She 3.0 is a judge free zone. I’ve accepted that everyone is different and so are their journeries. Not everyone is ready to take the leap just yet and that’s okay. As long as this post got you thinking of the possibilities, my job is done.
If you do decide to go on your own exhilarating personal self growth journey, here are my top 10 lessons you will learn while exploring your sexuality:
1. It’s okay if you’re intrigued and confused at the same time. That’s normal and doesn’t mean you should push it away. Dig deeper to find out why you feel the way you do.
2. Just because someone is older and says they have more experience than you does not mean to take everything they say as solid facts. (Let me know if you want a post about how a “mentor” tried to take advantage of me and the red flags I noticed that helped me get out of the situation.)
3. Go at your own pace. At first it’s be overwhelming but take it one day at a time or you’ll just confuse yourself more.
4. Be prepared for the way you looked at life and the world before to be shattered. Society and media has conditioned us since birth but there’s so much more to life than what meets the eye. However, don’t let it consume you so much that it controls you. Find a balance.
5. Get out of your comfort zone and meet more like minded people. There’s a group for everyone. Trust me.
6. Listen to your intuition. Feel out the vibes and intentions before you do anything.
7. Just because someone is into something, doesn’t mean you have to be into it too to fit in. Some things just won’t be your thing and that’s okay.
8. You’ll go through phases. You might like or even obsess about something for a while but it can fade and that’s okay.
9. Your body is yours and yours alone. You decide who you share it with.
10. Don’t overthink it. Sometimes it’s best to just listen to your body and be free in the moment. You deserve to.
So that’s that on that. For now. I hope this post inspires you to try something new and build a deeper connection with yourself. I am wishing you all the best on your journey. Make sure you’re subscribed to the newsletter, follow She 3.o on Instagram and like the Facebook Page to be the first to know when new content is posted! I would love for you to join our private Facebook community “To Encourage and Empower” for like minded women who are ready to embrace their past instead of running from it ! Who want to empower themselves to reach their full potential ! Where you’re free to be 100% yourself to vent, inspire and support other women. See you there!
So that’s that on that. For now. I hope this post inspires you to try something new and build a deeper connection with yourself. I am wishing you all the best on your journey. Make sure you’re subscribed to the newsletter, follow She 3.o on Instagram and like the Facebook Page to be the first to know when new content is posted! I would love for you to join our private Facebook community “To Encourage and Empower” for like minded women who are ready to embrace their past instead of running from it ! Who want to empower themselves to reach their full potential ! Where you’re free to be 100% yourself to vent, inspire and support other women. See you there!
So that’s that on that. For now. I hope this post inspires you to try something new and build a deeper connection with yourself. I am wishing you all the best on your journey. Make sure you’re subscribed to the newsletter, follow She 3.o on Instagram and like the Facebook Page to be the first to know when new content is posted! I would love for you to join our private Facebook community “To Encourage and Empower” for like minded women who are ready to embrace their past instead of running from it ! Who want to empower themselves to reach their full potential ! Where you’re free to be 100% yourself to vent, inspire and support other women. See you there!
With love,
Shantel ????

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About Me

About Me

Hi Empress! I show women the endless opportunities to be themselves by empowering them to embrace and grow from their shared experiences through vulnerability and community. I help you accept that you'll always be a work in progress and complete at the same time so you can take back power over your life and reach your full potential!

Shantel

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