Subscribe To Our Mailing List

Get the news right in your inbox!

The Worst Kind Of Breakups: Friendship Breakups

Have you ever met another female and you two automatically click? Whether it be through a mutual friend, shared background, taste in music, art, fashion, beauty style or even bad experience, it was friendship at first sight and before you knew it, a strong bond was created that you never thought could be broken.
As time goes by, you face the good and bad together and have each other’s backs. If there’s an event one wants to go to, you both go. If one is going through a hard time, you lend an ear and help lift her spirits. If one is doubting herself, you give her pep talks and cheer her on. If one is dating someone new, you offer to double date. If one is in a committed relationship, you find someone for the other or they third wheel it until “the one” comes along. If you’re both single and over dating, you hit the town together, be each other’s wing-woman and paint the town red. If one is starting something new, the other supports and that’s how it should always be. That’s what a good friendship is.
However, life happens and sometimes you don’t get to see your friends as much as you’d like. With some friendships, you don’t have to do much to keep the friendship afloat. For others, you schedule hour long phone calls and even trips to catch up and let loose. For the rest, it dwindles naturally and that’s okay. Some can be so toxic that it forces you to end it. Or it can be a simple miscommunication or a disagreement that blows up and that alone is enough to end the friendship completely.

In my opinion, friendship breakups hit harder than intimate relationships because the thought of it ending doesn’t even cross your mind. Yes, relationships can end unexpectable too and hurt but not the same way. Your girlfriends bring another level of comfort and security that your significant other can’t.

Whether it be a friend or best friend, friendship breakups hurt. There’s no easy way around them. Especially if you both have the same group of friends. I’ve had my share of those and girl, let me tell you- it’s emotional, mentally and physically draining. It’s one thing to try to get past it but it’s a whole other thing when you still have to see them online and/or in person. It’s like a weird dance you two have going forward and backwards. Side to side trying to avoid the other. In my opinion, friendship breakups hit harder than intimate relationships because the thought of it ending doesn’t even cross your mind. Yes, relationships can end unexpectable too and hurt but not the same way. Your girlfriends bring another level of comfort and security that your significant other can’t. In intimate relationships, you expect the growing pains of learning about each other, accepting them for who they are and agreeing to disagree. Most women share their deepest secrets and concerns with their girlfriends before they talk to their partner about it. The history is deep and rooted in a no judgement and understanding way. It’s raw and vulnerable. So what do you do when you don’t have that anymore? How do you move on and continue to be you when a piece is missing? When you don’t have that person to run to for support?
Friendship Breakups From Miscommunication:
It doesn’t matter who hurt who first. Healing is a process. If you read my post about forgiveness, you know that you can’t wait on them to apologize or come back like nothing even happened. It’s up to you to have control over your life. You’ll probably be asking yourself the shoulda, coulda, wouldas time and time again but like the cliche phrase says- “Some people are only meant to be in your life for a season.” Don’t waste your time trying to force something to be if it isn’t meant to. That was my hardest pill to swallow because I am very being transparent about my feelings so naturally I expect the same from everyone else. I’m that person who dissects the situation, organizes my feelings and wants to schedule a time to talk things out and hopefully mend things but I’ve learned that most people don’t operate that way. They rather avoid it and wash their hands clean of the situation and unfortunately, that means you along with it.
Friendship Breakups Because of Jealousy:
When you are comfortable in your own skin and know who you are, your confidence oozes out of you without you even noticing. That can be threatening to people around who aren’t there yet and it can seed jealousy. I think we can all agree that girls are more prone to jealousy with their peers than guys because they feel like everything is a competition. They care too much about how people perceive them so if they’re standing next to someone who radiants something they don’t have, they feel like their light is dimmed and no one likes feeling less than. In addition to the confidence, other examples can be if one is getting more attention from guys than the other. If the other dresses better. Has the newest clothes. Has more money. Has their life together.
I once had a friend that always had to be the center of attention, be everyone’s friend, had a story for every topic and always making plans for everyone. People often compared me to her since I was more laid back, reserved and always doing my own thing. They would ask me how come I wasn’t like her and I would reply saying that I’m just comfortable being me. You would think being compared to her would make me feel like the insecure one when ironically, it made her feel that way because no matter how hard she tried, people were still attracted to me because I was different. I had some mystery to me. I didn’t want the attention but it came naturally. I completely get it but the thing about this is that it’s a personal issue. Everyone has to look within themselves and work on it to achieve their brightest light but most don’t want to. They rather project their insecurities onto others or do everything in their power to get validation to make themselves feel better.
Friendship Breakups Because Of A Guy:
Don’t get me started on friendship breakups caused by guys! I don’t mean blaming the guy for everything. I mean the guy being the source of the situation (well I guess I’m partially blaming him) and both females being blinded by the fact instead of standing together and talking things out. I had a friend that was so upset with me when her crush liked me when I didn’t even realize he liked me in the first place. I was busy focusing on myself and my life but because of that, I dealt with the situation as an outsider looking in while she played the victim role and blamed me for everything. I always looked at him as a friend because 1) I knew my friend liked him and 2) I wasn’t attracted to him but it still wasn’t enough for her and she didn’t hide how she felt about him either. She continued to go above and beyond to get his attention and ended up looking ridiculous.
I later spoke to the guy about it one or two years later and it was ironic because he was just as oblivious to her liking him as I was to him liking me. As a result, I lost a great friend and didn’t gain anything. That hurt stayed with me for a long time. Though it didn’t get to the point where we had a physical altercation, the emotional and mental consequences cut deep. I spent so much time picking a part everything I did wishing I did more and was in tune. I even reached out multiple times the following two years and got no response. Then I realized that if it was meant to be resolved and she wanted it to be, it would have by now. I planned for her to be in my life for the long haul but her plans for our friendship was the opposite and I had to accept that. I learned that people will project their insecurities onto you because you’re shining in your own lane but you can’t make that shit stick. What someone feels about themselves has nothing to do with you and you can’t force them or yourself to unpack their mess. When you’re in an unstable situation like that, it oozes out into other faucets of their life. Especially in your relationships with others and it can cause you to miss out on some great people. If you are currently in a similar situation, confused about why a friendship is changing, ask yourself if there’s anything you need to unpack within yourself that can be hindering the progression of the friendship. If you can honestly answer nothing and your conscious is clean, accept it and start the healing process.

Here are some ways that I heal from a friendship breakup after I’ve accepted that it can’t be fixed:

1. Know that you’re still you.
Yes you are. You are already complete with or without anyone else. If you feel incomplete, it’s time for some self awareness, self love and self-care.
2. Delete their number, text conversations and pictures.
Rid yourself of the good memories that make you feel sad.
3. Unfollow that person on social media.
Give yourself a fresh start and free yourself from the gut wrecking feeling when you see them on your feed.
4. Let mutual friends know.
Nothing is worse than them having an event oblivious to the breakup and trying to have you guys be around each other or worse, talk like old times. You don’t have to tell them everything but enough to let them know things aren’t the way it used to be.
5. Be cordial if you see them.
Acknowledge them mentally and then continue doing you. You don’t have to fake a smile or even have small talk. You know what it is by now.
6. Continue on living your life.
Not trying to show off but continue focusing on yourself, bettering yourself and being happy within yourself. That’s the most important.
7. Cherish the friends you do have.
Show your real friends that you appreciate them by scheduling catch up time regularly.
It will get better. Trust me but first you have to accept the current state of things. It takes time but you’ll heal from this breakup. Look at it as a lesson that nothing is guaranteed so cherish everything and everyone while you can. Be open. Don’t let this hold you back from building new friendships. Everyone you meet should be a fresh page because no one is the same. You both deserve that and sometimes it’s not how long you’ve known someone, it’s about who they are. Continue to ooze confidence and positivity and you’ll attract the right people who will add to your life and be in it for the long haul.
With love,
Shantel

No Comments

Leave a Reply

About Me

About Me

Hi Empress! I show women the endless opportunities to be themselves by empowering them to embrace and grow from their shared experiences through vulnerability and community. I help you accept that you'll always be a work in progress and complete at the same time so you can take back power over your life and reach your full potential!

Shantel

Follow She 3.0

Categories

Subscribe to our Mailing List

To be the first to know about the latest blog posts, products, services & events!

Archives

×