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10 Tips To Being Your Own Best Friend

March 23, 2020 in Confidence, The Tough Stuff - 7 min read
She 3.0 women empowerment new york city

Because you HAVE TO be your own best friend! Especially now because I would be lying if I told you that things are going well. The coronavirus or COVID-19 has caused the entire world to go into in a complete panic and with all the uncertainties and new normals, it is easy to start to lose yourself. If you aren’t losing yourself in the panic, it’s the stress of keeping your job and paying bills on time through the economic toll. Or you’re losing yourself in all the time you now have on your hands or even the disappointment from plans you’ve made for the future that got disrupted.

Why Is It Important To Be Your Own Best Friend Right Now?

Don’t get me wrong. I know some of you are thriving right now focusing on positive and productive things like self-care, personal development and working on your side hustle. However, I think we can all agree that this is the time when everyone needs each other the most. Unfortunately, because of the nature of the virus, you’re isolated at home to help prevent the future spread of it so that doesn’t help. You can text, FaceTime, or @ them virtually but it still isn’t the same from physically being around them. It’s not the same as spending time together trying to get a break from reality so you don’t want to talk about it at all while on the other hand, you feel like you can’t escape from it.

The answer is simple. You go to you. You be your own best friend because you can’t pour from an empty cup and being your own best friend means taking care of yourself first so you can help others. That’s the best part about it.

Even if COVID-19 wasn’t a thing right now, I know that if you’re like me, you prefer not to vent to other people. You wonder about what they may be going through. You start to feel selfish about going on and on about your pain and worries and you no longer want to discuss it fearing that you will burden them more. So what now? Who do you go to during a crisis when everyone is going through their own crises too? How do you find the right balance between venting about your struggles while listening to theirs? What if they don’t want to talk or you can’t seem to reach them? Or they don’t give you the response you hoped for? Where do you go then? The answer is simple. You go to you. You be your own best friend because you can’t pour from an empty cup and being your own best friend means taking care of yourself first so you can help others. That’s the best part about it.

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How To find The Balance Between Being There For Yourself & Being There For Others

I’m not saying that you can’t have friends or even other best friends that you confide in but the relationship you have with yourself will be the most important relationship you’ll ever have. It’s unfortunate and I don’t want to pour more salt in your wound but people get busy and people change. Not that you don’t know that already but you might not remember it when you need help and there’s none to be found. It doesn’t mean that they are a bad person. It’s just life and everyone is one their own journeys figuring out what life means to them. They make promises they can’t keep, they lie, they can be selfish or just bad at communication. It’s not their fault. They’re only being human so you can’t blame them. However, just because you can’t, doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t valid and you’re alone because you’re not!

Long story short, you shouldn’t rely on others too much because life happens to everyone and you don’t want your emotional and mental stability to depend on them. Like one of my Instagram post said, you have to choose yourself first. You can have expectations and set boundaries but the only way you can control how others make you feel is to know that you are the one in control of your feelings. In other words, you have to be your own best friend. We’ve all heard it before but can you say that you really are? If not, that’s okay and right now is the perfect time to start this beautiful friendship.

The 10 Ways To Be Your Own Best Friend

  1. Be real with yourself. This is the hardest part but it starts here. In my post about journaling your story, I admit that it takes time to build realness with yourself so at the end of that post, I give you 14 prompts/ questions to kickstart it. Take a look at them when you’re done reading this post but what I’m trying to say is that though this is the hardest part, it reaps the best results. Once you lay all the good, bad and ugly out on the table and embrace it, you grow from it and it no longer has power over you. It’s such an amazing feeling!
  2. Forgive yourself . You messed up in the past and you haven’t gotten over it yet because you haven’t forgiven yourself. It’s weighing on you and no matter how hard you try to repress it, the thoughts and feelings keep coming back. That’s yourself telling you to deal with it. We all have those moments when we wish we could take it back and not do that thing but we can’t. You have to face the reality and learn from it rather than avoiding it.
  3. Do it for you. Everything you do, do it for you. I don’t mean to be selfish but I kind of am because if you don’t put yourself first, who will? Does it make YOU happy? If not, don’t do it.
  4. Eat right, sleep right and exercise! Sorry not sorry. You can’t escape this one with me. Like the necessities are non negotiable. We all know that you should be eating three nutritious meals, sleeping 6+ hours a day and exercising regularly but are you really doing it? You gotta treat your body right and I will treat you good too.
  5. Take care of yourself. Find out your maintenance level and commit to it. How often do you need to get your _______ (fill in the blank) done to feel good about yourself? Now make the arrangements/appointments to make it happen because when you look good, you feel good.
  6. Treat yourself. You deserve to be spoiled. Maybe splurging on that luxury item or service isn’t a part of your must-have maintenance list but you can still treat yourself to it every now and then. This is perfect when you need a pick me up. If you have that feeling but don’t have any ideas, read this post about dates to take yourself out on.
  7. Stand up for yourself. You’ve probably heard the phrase “you have to show others how to treat you” before but it’s crucial now. During this time of uncertainty, you have to make sure that you are good mentally and emotionally and that starts with you knowing your worth. Stand up to that person who isn’t being nice to you. Stand up to your employer who’s dismissing your request for time off or dismissing your value. If you’re in a financial strain, stand up to those banks and credit card companies and borrowers about leveling with you about payment. Please note that when I say stand up, it doesn’t have to be aggressive, defensive or act with malicious intent. It simply means speaking up when you need to protect yourself.
  8. Say what you mean. This goes off of the last tip but being your own best friend means that you are the first friendship that you ever make with anyone. With that comes respect and with respect comes integrity. Integrity is super important when it comes to being your own best friend because you have to be able depend on yourself; to trust that you will do what you say and say what you mean.
  9. Up your standards. Have boundaries and have standards. This is another way to protect yourself because you call the shots. It may be different for everyone but do it how it best works for you and be aware of who meets your standards and who respects your boundaries. That includes yourself too! Don’t take your kindness for weakness.
  10. Don’t be too accessible to others.– Not everyone deserves your time. In my past post about wasting time dating the wrong person, I talk about the law of attraction and how important it is to know yourself well enough to know who isn’t worth your time. If you don’t, you’ll end up stressing yourself out when that could have been avoided.

Please remember, being your own best friend and being your own heroine are two seperate things. By being a best friend, you can guarantee support but by being a heroine, the stakes are higher. Even if it’s your mess/struggles/circumstance that the stakes are higher with, you don’t want to have the added pressure of trying to save yourself and maybe others. You don’t always have to save yourself. Sometimes if you focus on being there for yourself, you don’t need to save yourself because all of your worries and insecurities are already taken cared of. You start small because you’re worth going slow with. You’re too complex and beautiful to rush. You gotta get to know you first and be a great friend. Then comes the romance with anyone else just being a plus.

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About Me

About Me

Hi Empress! I show women the endless opportunities to be themselves by empowering them to embrace and grow from their shared experiences through vulnerability and community. I help you accept that you'll always be a work in progress and complete at the same time so you can take back power over your life and reach your full potential!

Shantel

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