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How To Heal On Your Own Terms

October 10, 2019 in Happiness, Anxiety and Depression, The Tough Stuff - 6 min read
Disclaimer: I am not a professional psychologist, psychiatrist or licenced NLP. This blog post is from personal experience and I share it to show that you aren’t alone but you can conquer it. If your anxiety and panic attacks have been consuming your life for some time now, it would be best to seek professional help as soon as possible and not prolong it so you can get back to growing to your full potential. I wish you the best on your journey.
Life gets hard for everyone but no one wants to talk about the hard parts. They rather flaunt to everyone who they are now and gloss over the hard times when ironically, that’s the best part. It’s the part people need to hear the most because that’s where most people can meet them at. The sad truth is that there are far more people struggling than prospering and that stems from a lot of things- social structures, generational curses, the limiting beliefs from others and/or themselves, being in bad emotional, mental or physical health, etc.
heal at your own pace
Though everyone can relate to the struggle in one aspect or the other, no one talks about it and as a result, listening to each other isn’t as helpful as it can be. Instead of being vulnerable about our own experiences to empower one another, we flood each other with these clichés like “hang in there,” “better days are coming,” and “don’t give up.” You’ve ever been in a tough situation, opened up to someone about what you’re going through and they tell you one of those? It takes everything in you not yell “I know!”

It’s unrealistic and in a way dismisses the person’s current feelings by thinking that these unauthentic approaches will magically help when they don’t even the scratch the surface of your pain.

However, the most annoying part about clichés are that they are true but that doesn’t mean that they are timely. Someone who is hurting does not care about the end of the tunnel if they can’t even imagine the light. The last thing they want to think about or do is seek the good in the bad. Sometimes we just need to level with them and agree that things suck right now and it is okay to take as long as they need to heal. Most importantly, because everyone does not go through the same process of healing at the same rate. It’s unrealistic and in a way dismisses the person’s current feelings by thinking that these unauthentic approaches will magically help when they don’t even the scratch the surface of your pain. On top of that, outside appearances can be deceiving. Though someone may look okay on the outside to impress other people or simply try to keep it together in public, it does not mean that they are okay on the inside.
Nevertheless, after a while you start to wonder if something is wrong with you because you don’t feel better. Though you’re skeptical, you say to yourself “Time has passed and the average person would be by now” but you can’t kid yourself because you’re still hurting. I remember when I was at my lowest in college (I talk about it in this post). When I look back, I realize that I was depressed way before I even knew I was. On top of the months following when I was denial about it. Then even more time went by when I felt so alone wondering how and who I should talk to it about. All before I actually got to taking action to feeling better. I was on a rollercoaster of emotions for a long time before I even started the healing process.

You can’t just get over it. It takes time to to be able to put a finger on it. Much less, face how you feel and be proactive about feeling better.

You should never feel bad about feeling how you feel and how much time it takes for you to heal. You can’t just get over it. It takes time to to be able to put a finger on it. Much less, face how you feel and be proactive about feeling better. You can read, watch videos and listen to others about how to feel better but it will always be from the point of view of their own story so be careful about what you take as fact and follow.
On top of the process and timeframe of healing, your definition of healing can be different from others and that’s very important. People heal in different ways because everyone is different. There’s endless possibilities. That’s why it is so important to learn how to self-heal your way. As long as you’re gentle and honest with yourself, you can feel better. Despite which way is your way, here are my

10 Way To Self Heal So You Can Feel Better On Your Own Time And Terms:

  1. Give yourself space. Like mentioned above, when you aren’t feeling your best, it’s easy to let what people think you should get to you. Distancing yourself from the noise and help ground yourself.
  2. Give yourself time. It’s helpful to not pressure yourself to be impulsive or you might end up doing or saying something you don’t mean and might regret. Be gentle with yourself. You don’t have to figure out how you feel the moment something happens. Most times, it take a while for emotions to sink in.
  3. Speak to someone you trust. It can be a family member, friend or therapist. If you feel like you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else, please seek help as soon as possible.
  4. Decide what healing means to you. What do you plan to get out of your healing? How will you know that you have healed? These are important questions you need to ask yourself and then answer. It’ll give you some idea of the direction you need to go.
  5. Find an outlet that works for you to heal. This differs from person to person as well. For example, after I give myself time to think things out, I let it all out on paper, organize my thoughts, decide how I feel about it and then make a plan to take action to feel better. For someone, that means crying for hours, days. For someone, they try to eat their sadness away. For someone, they find a creative outlet. For someone, they have to seclude themselves for a while.
  6. Keep active and exercise. It’s true. It will promote blood flow and the endorphins will make you feel so much better. You’ll think more clearly and being in shape never goes out of style.
  7. Eat healthy foods. “You are what you eat” and it’s true. By eating nutritious foods of protein, carbohydrates, fats, and fiber, you are healing your body from the inside out. Also drink lots of water.
  8. Get enough sleep. Don’t underestimate sleep in your life. Your body needs to rest to function at its best for you every day. Make time in your routine to sleep eight hours a day.
  9. Listen to your body. Your body is always talking to you. If you don’t feel well, stop and address it. Try to pinpoint why you feel the way you do. Stress is one of the biggest health deteriators.
  10. Do regularly check-ins. Don’t sue me but here’s a cliche that I live by “time heals all wounds.” Think about something that happened in your past that you never thought you would be able to get over but somehow you did. It happens because time passes no matter what and so will the feeling but only if you are mindful. Doing regular check-ins will help you measure your success. Especial since you did step four.
I know that these will definitely help you self heal. You can do this in order or whichever way works for you.

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About Me

Hi Empress! I show women the endless opportunities to be themselves by empowering them to embrace and grow from their shared experiences through vulnerability and community. I help you accept that you'll always be a work in progress and complete at the same time so you can take back power over your life and reach your full potential!


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