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How To Stop Breaking Your Own Heart

November 6, 2019 in Happiness, Anxiety and Depression, The Tough Stuff - 6 min read
Everyday it breaks my heart to see women who are breaking their own hearts. Whether it be settling for a half ass relationship, low self-esteem, unfilling job or not having the confidence to go after their dreams, it all stems from one thing- not putting your happiness first. I know it’s easier said than done but if you fall into any of those categories, it’s because you aren’t making yourself a priority.
I’ve said it time and time again but I’m going to keep saying it until every woman embraces it- always put yourself first! As women we are raised to be the nurturers of the world and take care of everyone. I mean we are. Without the magic of the female body and women reproducing, our population will become stagnant and eventually cease to exist. However, after the first 18-21 years of life, those humans become independent and smart enough to know what right decisions to make to have a long, healthy and enjoyable life. During that time frame, a woman can get so tangled up in the lives of everyone else in her household as she pushes her own life to the side. Then, when the time is over and the kids leave, she’s left alone and lost about what to do with her life now.
Aside from the biological factor of womanhood, you don’t have to be a mother to be breaking your own heart. I’m talking to females of every age and stage in her life. Females all around the world. We have shared experiences that keep us connected. However, it’s how we deal with those experiences that sets us apart from each other and shapes us into who we are individually today. Though we may come from different families, places and cultures, I think we can all look back and reminisce on that crush from high school that we opened up too fast with or that friend who used our weakness against us or anyone for that matter who we’ve given the benefit of the doubt only to be disappointed. It all comes down to you trusting too much, giving too much and even more chances that ends up with you breaking your own heart. Unfortunately, if you aren’t aware of this vicious cycle and take action to break it, you can start to believe that it’s what you deserve or start to accept that it’s just how your life is and will continue to be. That’s where I come in and remind you of what an empowered goddess you are and how to find her again.

So how do you stop breaking your own heart?

By making your happiness a priority.
I know. I know. That’s very general so here’s a more detailed list:
1. Believe that you have value! Have confidence in yourself girl! You are the prize and know that anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. You’re beautiful inside and out. Know yourself. Then love and respect yourself enough to walk away from anything less.
2. Be kind but also strong. No matter how cold this world can be, always be kind. However, be strong so that no one can take your kindness for weakness. Or even think to!
3. Don’t have any expectations. Give people the benefit of the doubt but only one time. When meeting someone new, don’t compare them to anyone else you’ve met and dealt with in the past. Even if they look the same or related. Give them a clean slate but only once. That’s enough to see their true colors instead of breaking your own heart by expecting them to be who you want them to be.
4. Set standards and stick to them. You only want positive energy and intentions around you and that comes from positive people with good intentions. If someone doesn’t have the same values as you, they are not meeting your standards and I’m 95% sure that they will cause more bad than good if you allow them to stick around long enough. Especially when it comes to dating, you can waste a lot of time dating the wrong person and even more trying to change them to be the right one. That’s one of the biggest ways to break your own heart.
5. Don’t brush off your feelings. Listen to your intuition. If someone is giving you a bad vibe, listen to it. Watch how they act and speak to you as well as how they speak about others to you. If they make you feel uncomfortable or make you doubt yourself, that’s a red flag.
6. Set boundaries and stick to them. Having boundaries doesn’t mean that it’s a bad relationship. Every relationship has boundaries and they are in place to protect you from people overstepping and causing you harm. You are in control and because you are, you’re less likely to break your own heart.
7. Speak up and speak out. A lot of us women are afraid to speak up because we don’t want to be seen as a bitch or too masculine but if you don’t stand up for yourself, who will? At the end of the day, everyone is looking out for themselves so you look out for you too by using your voice when you feel like they have your best interest at heart.
8. Say no confidently. Don’t feel guilty about saying no because saying no can be necessary and it is a complete sentence. In some instances, no explanation is needed. You feel the way you feel and that’s that.
9. Beware of people who only take and never or rarely give. Those people are draining and don’t have any room to be in your life! It could be mentally, emotionally or physically draining. They suck out the fun and energy out of everything because all they’re looking for is what you can do for them. Especially the ones who are the first to get but always have an excuse when it’s their time to contribute. Get rid of them now!
10. Forgive but don’t forget. A lot of people break their own hearts because they’re waiting on closure from the person who hurt them. If you read my post on forgiveness, you’ll know that sometimes closure never comes. As a result, people hold onto the hurt in their hearts for days, weeks, months, even years while the other person is living their life happily. Always forgive the person who wronged you. For you. Not for them and don’t forget what they did. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you know the rest.
Everyone is on their own journey of self discovery and building a life that they want. However, that doesn’t come without the good and bad experiences to help us self-reflect, grow and ground ourselves. Though the experiences may be similar, everyone is at different stages in their journey but that doesn’t mean that we can’t help one another. If you see a woman breaking her own heart, help her. Get to know her and support her in a way that makes her feel seen, heard and appreciated so she knows that she deserves more. If you are her right now, I want to tell you that you will always be learning more about yourself and growing. That’s the gift of life. Yes there will be times when you look back and are ashamed about the things that you allowed but give yourself some grace and be grateful that you can find the strength to change your situation. If you haven’t changed your situation yet, I hope these tips help you so you can stop breaking your own heart and start healing from within.
Shantel 💜

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About Me

About Me

Hi Empress! I show women the endless opportunities to be themselves by empowering them to embrace and grow from their shared experiences through vulnerability and community. I help you accept that you'll always be a work in progress and complete at the same time so you can take back power over your life and reach your full potential!


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