It’s easier said than done to completely shake it and start fresh like it never happened. Before writing this post, I thought I was fortunate enough to not go through any of the traumas listed but the more I thought about it, the more I believe I have. I’ve gone through the childhood trauma of not having parents.
School was a good distraction and my time to shine but my intention wasn’t to outshine anyone. It was actually selfish. It was all a competition of me vs me for me. Yes it was nice to be recognized and get all the awards but I always had an endgame in mind- to make myself proud by being successful and creating a life that I love and deserved. Something my parents never gave me.
As you grow up, it’s natural to want independence to have control over the important decisions in your life but it is always reassuring to have an adult to go to for guidance because you don’t know it all. Yes, you can learn the hard way by doing it all on your own through trial and error but why not lean on someone who has has your best interest at heart and more experience to save you from making the same mistakes they made so you can live a better life than they did?
I know I have my extended family to be there but I have my moments when I don’t want to bother them because they’ve done enough. If I had my parents around, I wouldn’t feel so self conscious about asking for help. I know that’s what I deserve because I get so stressed out but I also know I’ll never have it.
I encourage myself everyday to go after my goals and dreams no matter what and take advantage of every opportunity life throws at me whether it be good or bad. My ultimate goal is to continue to make middle school me proud.