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Sexting 101- How To Get Started, Enjoy It & Stay In Control

August 26, 2019 in Sex, The Tough Stuff - 5 min read
Does sexting make you uncomfortable? Girl, I can relate! Like most people, I was introduced to it during my high school teens with a guy I really liked (who later on ended up being my boyfriend). I talk about our relationship and how it helped me in my self-love journey more here but long story short, he helped me discover a new part of myself that helped me transition from an insecure, shy girl to a sexy, smart, and confident woman. It was so empowering and surprisingly, it started with sexting.
What is sexting?
My definition of sexting is when you explicitly text messages or send pictures to someone through the phone or the Internet about imaginary or potential sexual situations to get them aroused.
I remember when he sexted me for the first time. He was always expressive about feelings so I was used to getting long, expressive text messages from him but when I opened up this one, my jaw dropped open. I didn’t know what to do! Being as open as we were, I told him that I was uncomfortable and he assured me that there was no rush and it’ll happen when it’s supposed to. That it’s just another way to communicate how we felt about each other. At this time I was a virgin and he was my second boyfriend ever so I didn’t have any real life experience or watch porn so I couldn’t even visualize, much less create an elaborate text to send back.
Why do people sext?
To make themselves and their recipient feel good and have something to look forward to in the moment. Even if it’s imaginary and won’t happen in real life.
I mean, I knew I really really liked him. I felt comfortable around him but I didn’t feel comfortable in my own body. That was my problem. Your problem may be the same or differ. Like communicating how you feel for example. Or a mix of both. I can definitely relate to having that butterfly feeling when you like someone. You want to say so much but only so little comes out your mouth. Then add the pressure of sexting to the mix. Deep breaths girl. It’ll be okay.
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Not to be all cliché but you will get better with experience. Fast forward to now and I am the most comfortable and confident I’ve ever been and it all started with this experience, opening myself to dating other people after him and owning my sexuality (click here to read about that).
Who should be sexting?
A mature, level headed consenting adult who is aware of their actions and the consequences of them.
What are the consequences that come with sexting?
According to Connect Safely*, “the practice is not illegal when photos are shared between consenting adults, but when minors are involved, sexual-exploitation and child-pornography laws can come into play.” It is important to keep in mind that anything that the second you send someone something, you are giving away control of it. We’re all sent a text we regret but when it comes to sexting, it is on a whole new level. If there is someone who is using your messages and pictures in a way that violates your trust and makes you feel uncomfortable, you can take measures against them to stop it. Click here to see your options.
This post isn’t to convince you to start or give a sexting transcript with 30 juicy new lines to use to level up your sexting game. This post is to just talk about the topic and let you know that it’s normal. People do it all the time. Single people and people in relationships so don’t feel weird.
Through my experience, I have come up with some important things to keep in mind while sexting that will make you feel empowered instead of uncomfortable!
1. Get to know your body! If you aren’t comfortable with your body, you’ll never feel comfortable sexting. How? The inexplicit way- consistently exercising. You’ll push your body in ways that will strengthen it. No pain, no gain right? The explicit way- masturbating. Read about how to start here. Actually that’s not explicit. It’s natural. Learn how your body reacts to certain things will empower you in ways you’ve never believed.
2. Don’t do it with someone you don’t like. If you are texting someone and getting to know them and they jump right into sexting you, don’t continue the conversation if that doesn’t align with what you want out of dating right now.
3. Sexting won’t make someone like you more. If this is your reasoning behind doing it, stop right now. Like mentioned before, you should just text anyone. If it’s the only thing that keeps their attention and make them want to talk to you, it’s not worth it. Definitely don’t do it.
4. Sexting should be mutually beneficial. The more you do it, the comfortable both parties will get and want to explore more but make sure their energy matches yours. If you are sending long paragraphs that might as well be a story
5. It’s not something that should be rushed. Ease into it. Don’t automatically go all in. No matter how old you are, how much sex you’ve had, you’ll always be learning more about yourself. Ease into the conversation, feel the person out, figure out what they like and go slow. No rush.
6. You are always in control. If it goes too far. Stop. If the conversation is taking a turn you don’t enjoy. If it’s not doing it for you, let the person know and be confident enough to stop the conversation right there. It doesn’t matter if they feel the opposite or want to continue, you cum first (pun intended) and stop right there. Same with sending pictures or video chats. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Don’t feel guilty about it either.
7. Just because you sexted them once, doesn’t mean it has to turn into a routine. Once again, this is when you are in control. You may be up for it one day and it may go well but the next day, you can be busy or just not in the mood and that’s okay. Don’t let anyone guilt trip you into doing it because last time was so fun. There’s a time and place for everything. Even sexting.
Long story short, only sext when you’re ready. You’re probably saying “I’ll never be ready!” and you’re right. Your first time will always feel awkward but a good rule of thumb is when you know what you like, know the person well, they’ve have proven that they have good intentions and it happens naturally. Take it slow. Stop if you need or want to. You’re in charge and you can enjoy it.
*https://www.connectsafely.org/faq-on-sexting-and-sextortion/

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About Me

About Me

Hi Empress! I show women the endless opportunities to be themselves by empowering them to embrace and grow from their shared experiences through vulnerability and community. I help you accept that you'll always be a work in progress and complete at the same time so you can take back power over your life and reach your full potential!

Shantel

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