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The Pregnancy Scare That Almost Scared Me To Death

September 24, 2019 in Sex, The Tough Stuff - 8 min read
Most, if not all of my friends (including myself) have dealt with a pregnancy scare. For some, more than once. If you have, you know what I mean. You got caught up with a guy. You were either in the moment or trusted him so you take the chance of having unprotected sex. A few weeks pass by and you noticed that your period is late. You spend the next few days in denial until randomly, one day reality hits and you start to ask yourself “What if I am pregnant?” Then the panic kicks in.
My last pregnancy scare scared me so much, I missed my period for an ENTIRE summer! Right before summer started, the guy who I was dating at the time came over and when I tell you our sexual chemistry was right, I’ll be putting it lightly. It was amazing. He wasn’t my first or my last but until this day, years later our connection is still in my top 3.

I don’t know why I felt like I was invincible to the consequences of my actions but I did. Or maybe I didn’t care. Maybe I was tired of always playing it safe.

I don’t know what it was about him. Maybe it was the fact that we knew each other from childhood and I got front row seats to his glow up. Maybe it was the fact that my family loved him. Maybe it was his physical traits like how tall he was or maybe a combination of them all but I felt so comfortable and attracted to him. It was a win-win situation to me. By this time, we were messing around for a few months and had a routine we were both happy with it but I’ll never forget that day when we slipped up. I don’t know why I felt like I was invincible to the consequences of my actions but I did. Or maybe I didn’t care. Maybe I was tired of always playing it safe. Maybe my judgement was clouded by the large releases of dopamine (the pleasure chemical). Maybe I wanted to end my high school career off with a bang. Who knows.
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The pregnancy scare didn’t hit me until a few weeks later in June when I was getting ready to leave to go to my college program before my freshman year started. It was mandatory but I was actually so excited to start college earlier than August. My period was rarely on time so when it was late, I didn’t pay it much mind. Eventually I became concerned and told my best friend. We planned to go to the store together to buy a pregnancy test and then I was going to take it at her house. The test came out negative and I was relieved but the more time that went by with no period, the more I felt like the test may be a false negative.

However, one thing did change- the way the guy felt about it. Now he was constantly telling me how unfit he was to be a father at the moment and how he didn’t want to be anything like his dad so we shouldn’t have the baby. This just added more stress to my plate. I mean it was my body that was going through it!

By this time I told the guy what was happening and he responded calmly (surprisingly) and started checking in with me everyday asking how I was feeling. Then I decided to go to my regular physician with another friend to make sure. I remember feeling so guilty. She was the family doctor and knew me before I was even born and I’ve been going to her ever since. I felt like I had disappointed her, myself and my family but I needed to know. That test came out negative as well and by then it was the second to last week of me being home. Still no period. However, one thing did change- the way the guy felt about it. Now he was constantly telling me how unfit he was to be a father at the moment and how he didn’t want to be anything like his dad so we shouldn’t have the baby. This just added more stress to my plate. I mean it was my body that was going through it! So much that I spent the entire day of my cousin’s bridal shower which was supposed to be a happy time, in and out of the bathroom bawling my eyes out. I was literally falling apart. Though everyone kept asking me what’s wrong, I didn’t tell any adults. I mean, I took multiple tests and they all said what I wanted them to but I still felt dread. That night, I told my older sister and of course she handled it well and asked me what I wanted to do. I was shocked when she did. This entire time I was so worried about my potential baby daddy’s decision that I didn’t have time to make my own. I told her I would want to keep it and she told me that she would support me no matter what.

This pregnancy scare was eating me up inside and I was slowly starting to accept that I was pregnant. That maybe I was one of those rare cases where the tests say no but my body says otherwise. It would be me to be in that situation *eye roll*. At this point, I would much rather know for sure if I was.

The time came to leave home and go to my college program and I left feeling relieved. I needed to get away from home so it was perfect timing. Plus it was mandatory for the students not to use our phones so we could focus on our studies, getting to know each other and the staff so the guy couldn’t get in contact with me unless I wanted him to. We spoke via Facebook Messenger every now and then. Despite what I was going through internally, externally I was doing okay. I did well in my classes, ending the program with a 3.8 gpa and met some amazing people. Even another guy I would later have a thing with until my junior year but that feeling of dread still lingered. This pregnancy scare was eating me up inside and I was slowly starting to accept that I was pregnant. That maybe I was one of those rare cases where the tests say no but my body says otherwise. It would be me to be in that situation *eye roll*. At this point, I would much rather know for sure if I was. I broke down to my counselor one day and she bought me another pregnancy test to calm my nerves. I took it and it was still negative! This frustrated me even more. I was getting so mad at myself! I was mad for making such a reckless decision, jeopardizing my college career that didn’t even officially start yet and guilty for bringing a child into the world when I promised myself that I would start a family the right way.
I’m not sure when my period came. Those three months feel like such a blur now but I do remember how emotional I felt when it did. I felt relieved but sad. It was a weird feeling. I guess after all that time, I started to accept that I was pregnant and going to continue college being a single mother. I knew I would be a good mom, it was just the timing that felt unfair to both of us but I guess my mom chapter wasn’t meant to start then. Eventually, I stopped trying to understand it. Out of the people I’ve told, most (even my doctor) say that it was probably the stress and anxiety that made my period so delayed. Honestly I don’t know what to believe. I do hear that that happens during a pregnancy scare more often than you think.
I still want to have children. I want a big family actually. Everyone who knows me personally knows that means a lot to me but I want to be ready. I know every parent says that you’re never 100% ready but I know that there are things I can control like being emotionally, mentally and financially stable. I’ve grown up a lot since high school Shantel. From college Shantel and I know I still have some growing to do. When it happens, it happens and I’ll welcome it with open arms.

I’m not here to tell you how you should deal with them but I want to tell you that we all make mistakes. It’s up to us to learn from them and grow. Sometimes the consequences of those mistakes feel like they last and follow you forever. To me, a part of each one always stays with you.

I want to share my pregnancy scare story with you because I know that a lot of girls and younger women can relate. I’m not here to tell you how you should deal with them but I want to tell you that we all make mistakes. It’s up to us to learn from them and grow. Sometimes the consequences of those mistakes feel like they last and follow you forever. To me, a part of each one always stays with you. I say mistakes because they’re not regrets. My life isn’t designed that way and neither should yours. I just want you to know that you aren’t alone. To always reach out to someone you trust when you’re afraid, overwhelmed and lonely and don’t live in denial. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. Be gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself and please make sure you really know someone before you give your body to them because they take a part of you with them too. Be picky with your time, energy and body. Time is a currency so spend it wisely and you only have one body. Vibes don’t lie even though it sucks when you see someone’s true colors after the fact. Your past doesn’t determine your present or your future. Know better, do better and always do what’s best for you.
Love,
Shantel ????

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About Me

Hi Empress! I show women the endless opportunities to be themselves by empowering them to embrace and grow from their shared experiences through vulnerability and community. I help you accept that you'll always be a work in progress and complete at the same time so you can take back power over your life and reach your full potential!

Shantel

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