Yup. I’m talking to you and while you were reading this headline I bet you already knew.
As females, we are biologically designed to be nurturers. Most of the time that results in putting the needs and wants of others before our own without us even realizing. We give and give and give because we want to make that person happy and feel appreciated when in actuality every relationship should be 50/50 with a healthy balance of give and take.
When I look back, the signs were there- miscommunication, no follow through, giving excuses for not making it official, and something just not feeling right but I pushed it away because I felt like I was asking for too much and didn’t want to bother them.
A factor I think hugely contributes to this behavior is how we think of ourselves. If you don’t know how you are, you will constantly be seeking validation from others and that might be the most unhealthy thing yet. You start to believe that if you can treat them right and give your all, they’ll appreciate you and treat you how you treat them in return when in reality, humans are imperfect. They will disappoint you, hurt you, turn their back on you and lie to you whether it be intentional or not. It’s just life but by knowing that your happiness comes from you, you take back control over your life and am no longer waiting on them on their clock.
When a guy is actively pursuing you, you will know because his actions show it. Take yourself seriously by walking away from anyone who doesn’t see and appreciate your value.
In intimate relationships, this is even worse. The sayings goes “Don’t be a wife to a boyfriend” and “Don’t give a boyfriend husband privileges” but what if he’s not even your boyfriend in the first place? I’ve done it myself and wasted so much time giving my all and not getting that same energy in return. When I look back, the signs were there- miscommunication, no follow through, giving excuses for not making it official, and something just not feeling right but I pushed it away because I felt like I was asking for too much and didn’t want to bother them. Especially after the common excuses like “you deserve better” or “I’m not in the right place to commit right now” or “I don’t know what I want.” I’m not saying that that may not be the case but to me it’s a half ass answer because it’s not 100% honest. It isn’t right. I deserved more and so do you.
This might be a hard pill to swallow but don’t be a wife if you’re not even the girlfriend. Guys know what they are doing. Especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Everyone knows that they will go after what they want without resting. If their actions aren’t towards you, you probably aren’t who they want in the first place. When a guy is actively pursuing you, you will know because his actions show it. Take yourself seriously by walking away from anyone who doesn’t see and appreciate your value. The more time you wait it out giving yourself excuses, the harder it will be and the more you’re settling. Stop chasing him and see what happens. Actually don’t chase anyone but your dreams girl.
There’s a few reasons why a guy might not be taking you seriously and you’re single:
1. You gave him what he wanted already.
Guys are naturally curious. If they see someone that catches their eye, they’re more inclined to go after it but once they have it, their draw to it exponentially decreases. Whether his goal was to get your number or have sex with you, once he’s accomplished that, it’s onto the next.
2. You’re a space holder.
He’s just not that into you but you’re enough for the time being. You’re good company or a good fuck or both.
3. He doesn’t see you in his future.
They just know but are too chicken to tell you because they know you’ll leave to find something better.
I’m sorry to be such a Debbie downer but I’m also not here to sugarcoat anything if I can help you in the long run. I’m here to empower you to know that your time and energy is valuable and you should be picky with it. Take this as a sign to give yourself space and focus what you want and need.
Girlfriend things to stop doing if you ain’t the girlfriend since you are single:
1. Don’t be too accessible
Like I said earlier, guys love the chase. If he’s not putting in the effort, don’t give him the time.
2. Only dating that one person
Don’t put your eggs all in one basket ! Open a map or directory of all the farms nearby and start to visit those. They might have eggs that taste better.
3. Don’t offer yourself to do extra mile things
It’s nice to have someone to depend on. Even nicer to do a favor for someone but don’t go out of your way for someone if they haven’t proven themselves worth going the extra mile for. Don’t feel guilty about it either.
4. Stop posting him on your social media
We’ve all been there- in the honeymoon phase feeling like “Wow. This is going well. He may be the one.” when you’re still getting to know each other. You don’t even know his past, bad habits, etc. Just because it had a good start doesn’t mean it’ll have a good future. Save yourself the time of having to respond to everyone asking you where he went when things don’t work out.
5. Don’t make any long term plans
Lots of girls already have their dream wedding on lock. Down to every detail. They know what dress style they want, the venue, the theme, reception menu, the whole nine. All they need is the one missing piece- the husband but you can’t think husband if you don’t have a boyfriend. Or maybe you haven’t thought that far but you’re thinking about investing long term by going on vacations together, introducing him to the family, calling him your boyfriend. Don’t skip so many steps just to feel good. You’re either kidding yourself or settling way too fast.
Click here to get “6 Ways To Enjoy The Single Life.”
I’m not saying to leave every guy who doesn’t devote his life to you 24/7. Im saying to be aware of the signs because guys actions tell more than their words. If you feel like you’re constantly asking him the same questions over and over about what this is, who you guys are and where this is going, it’s clear that it either didn’t cross his mind yet or he’s avoiding it because it won’t end well. Don’t waste time being single and in denial when there are so many other people out there ready for the real thing with someone like you. You’re a damn good catch so act like one !
When the right person comes along, you won’t have to beg for them to take the next step. It’ll happen naturally and before you know it, you’ll have the life you dreamed.
Until then, enjoy being single. Being single is a great thing and if you read my post “5 Things I’ve Learned Online Dating,” you’ll know that I encourage you to enjoy it to the fullest. This is your time to have fun, try new things and most importantly discover yourself more. Not someone else. When the right person comes along, you won’t have to beg for them to take the next step. It’ll happen naturally and before you know it, you’ll have the life you dreamed. It’s possible but it starts with being confident enough to know that you have something special to offer to a special someone and strong enough to walk away when someone doesn’t align with what you want. Until then have fun and act single until it’s official!
With some tough love,
Shantel
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